Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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