True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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