drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
