I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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