I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
