Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
