I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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