i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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