fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize