I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
