If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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