Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
