Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Is it because I queefed?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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