if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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