sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
