Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
