I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
