New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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