That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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