dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
How does it feel to date your dad?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
