I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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