Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
