Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize