I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
