wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize