Got a toothbrush?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
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