Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
