god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
grandma shit on top of the toilet
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Randomize
