I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
