I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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