At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
