the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
