i would punch a child for taco bell
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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