How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
