You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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