i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
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