I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
