U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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