My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
