If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
