Dual....:-)
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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