Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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