I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
