Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
