Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
