You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
