Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
