Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
