Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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