just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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