Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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