Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
