i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
