i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize