i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
