physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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