I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
