it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
