come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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