He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
