He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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