I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
